My father and I were discussing our respective nasal situations (his large and unruly, mine narrow and unusable) and came to the realization that there are by far too few discussions of the general nasal malaise that so many people suffer: deviated septums; polyps; constant sinus infections; general "broken faucet" syndrome; etc. I'm going to bring this topic into the light, as I did once at the bar with friends. My doctor instructed me to pour water through my face so as to refurbish my nasal burrows. I thought this was preposterous, and said so to some friends who proceeded to extensively discuss their nasal laundering. The following, reported to my parents, is my initial critique of this technique, and to let you know, after trying it, I still detest it, most of all, because it didn't work:
"I couldn't remember if I told you about the nose doctor visit. Apparently, I do have a deviated septum; I guess there doesn't need to be much deviation to be deviated, for mine is rather slight. They threaded a camera in my nose to see the inside and my superior throat; the camera wouldn't fit in one side, because, surprise, my nose is too narrow. There wasn't much excitement about anything: it's a tight space but things looked pretty good. My addenoids (in the superior throat, a kind of tonsil) are enlarged, and these can contribute to poor drainage, sleep apnea, and other general ear/nose/throat bothers (not their words but my research). I'm going back in 7 weeks to have another look. I bet if I'm still having problems and the addenoids are still large, there might be surgerical removal of addenoids suggested (my assumption). Until then, I'm supposed to squirt 8 cups of salt water up my nose each day to really get things cleaned out, a daunting process which I have complete reservations about actually doing, and therefore haven't started. I'd have to get up maybe an hour earlier to do this, because it's messy, tastes bad, and creates a socially awkward situation every time you bend over for about a half hour afterwards. They also gave me pointers on how to take my nose spray, where I'm supposed to pinch my nose bridge to keep the spray from going down my throat. I fail to see the merit in pinching my immovable bones to properly place an aerosol, and have thus lost complete desire to use the flonase as well. I'm sure they know what they're talking about, and when a doctor instructs me to do something, I always follow it. However, all of this is a bit much and I'm a bit busy with my research right now to prep for my twice daily nose drownings. And Lord knows there will be too much drinking at my annual professional meetings for nasal deluges either. So now I'm a bad patient. They shouldn't have told me that this head irrigation may be an eternal ritual for me. They should make a reward system instead: after you complete so many nasal hosings you get movie tickets."
I have since been back to the doctor, who seemed unmoved by my admitted resistance to nose inundations, and didn't ask me anything about, although I was very willing to offer up my professional opinion that they didn't work because all my plumping is too small and thus nothing can get anywhere, the main reason why I'm the Sinus Infection Sultan. At any rate, everything looked fine and they seemed to be very pleased with what resulted from no nasal flooding, and greatly reduced use of nasal spray. Another fantastic visit with a doctor who feels no need to discuss my state with me, as if I don't have some sort of vested interest. No, in fact, I was just there for the treat of sitting in the waiting room with a convict eyeing me. Jolly good time that.
